Time to clean out the cobwebs around here...

My last "I'm back" apparently didn't last for long. In the 2 1/2 years since I last posted, I did continue exercising for several months until I sustained a pulled muscle in my back, and by the time that healed, I had gotten out of the habit. Then last year I was actually walking 30-40 minutes 4-5 days a week. It didn't have a big impact on my weight, but it definitely helped me feel more energetic. Then I somehow injured my knee, and, same thing, once that healed, I had gotten out of the habit, plus it had gotten too cold to walk outside.

One of my biggest problems with exercise is figuring out a good time to do them. I prefer to do them before my shower, because I get all sweaty. But with the family schedule, that means I'd either need to get up around 5 and exercise and shower before everyone else gets up, or do so right after everyone leaves for the day, and by the time I did all that and had breakfast, it would seem like my morning of getting to other things would be nearly gone. Then, with my mother-in-law's caregiver coming in and out, and no way to close a door to the family room where I exercise with several workout DVD, I just feel really awkward exercising when she's here, especially when she pokes her head in to make a good-natured comment. I just really don't want an audience. These all sound like lame excuses when put into print (one good reason for writing about them, I guess), but they're also the stuff delays and obstacles are made of. I hate to get up at 6:20, much less at 5, but that may be the route to go.

I made an effort a few days to use My Fitness Pal, which has a handy iPhone app with which you can scan bar codes on food items and get the nutritional content and inputted instantly. A great help! Except for figuring out calorie content of casseroles and such. That can still be done, but just is a little more tedious. Another lame excuse, I know.

The only other thing I've done on the weight loss front is that I read Overcoming Overeating by Lisa Morrone (linked to my review) and gleaned several helpful thoughts. I didn't like the emphasis in it that the cause over most overeating is emotional. It may be, but it's not the only factor or even the primary factor for me.

My main problem is that when I am tempted by a certain food, my thoughts are, "It's good and it's not sinful and I want it." I've never seen any weight loss book or program really deal with that aspect of it, and as I was lamenting that again a day or two ago, the Holy Spirit brought to mind "All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any" (I Corinthians 6:12) and "All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not" (I Corinthians 10:23).  

Some time ago I had gotten the book Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst when it was free or on sale for the Kindle app, but it sat there with many of my other Kindle purchases for months. Then I saw on my friend Kim's blog that the Proverbs 31 Ministries web site was going to be hosting an online Bible study using Made to Crave, so I decided to participate. I may or may not stay with the online study - I'm not big on perky videos and posts, and all of the posts and emails are causing a sensory overload right now. But it starts today, so I am going to go with it for the first few lessons and see how it goes. Whether I stay with the online study or not, I will read the book. I was thinking of making some notes after each chapter and decided to do so here. So, next post: Chapter 1 of Made to Crave!

Why am I not losing weight?

Plain and simple: I just like food too much. I once saw a magazine quiz to help readers determine what the main "trigger" for their overeating was: social situations, emotions, etc. I don't remember all the categories, but I scored in every one. [Blush!]

Plus I don't really want to change anything – which of course means nothing is going to change until I do. (Duh!) I just don’t want weight loss to take over my life, to constantly be thinking about, counting, and measuring what I am eating, to be constantly thinking about it and talking about it. I want to be able to eat what I want when I want.

I guess what it comes down to is that I want my own will and my own way all too much. And one's own way usually has negative consequences.

I need to develop a love for God and for pleasing Him greater than my love of eating anything I want. I need to develop a desire to be here for my family greater than a desire for donuts and French fries. In my heart I do want that. But there is a disconnect somewhere. Part of the problem is that donuts and French fries and cookies aren’t inherently sinful. A lot of people eat them with no problem. Perhaps I need to eliminate them all together: at least I need to scale back.

I know that when I think of people who, for instance, smoke, with devastating results to their health, I wonder how they can do that to themselves and their families. Yet I fail to recognize that being overweight can be just as devastating.